Education, good looks, well mannered and being a good cook equals a description of a perfect wife in South Africa’s most cultures if not all. So when this mentioned above is not adhered to, you will be regarded as a woman not worth even 2 cows.
Vat en sit has over the years become a popular way of life. We end up putting our customs and traditions in a parking lot for a particular guy. Women get attracted easily to men, we forget we are the most important creatures in the world as we spend much time putting others first and abandoning our own needs and wants. With most men their assets draw us to them, their flashy cars, luxury houses etc.
Due to their need for someone preferably a female to maintain their goods this leads to an invitation to be their house mate. In that sequence vat en sit begins. Truth be told if you live with a guy and expect marriage how is that possible? You end up doing almost everything for him going against every thing your culture stands for.
Then again to some a ring doesn’t matter, as long as you’re in a committed relationship i t’s all systems go. Take for instance US media mogul Oprah Winfrey she has been engaged for almost 4 decades now, and she and her fiancé are still together growing stronger by the day.
The disadvantage of being in this situation is that most men will want you not to be employed rather be hands on in the house. The unfortunate part about this set up is that you will be helping him strengthen his career and life, while in exchange it will weaken yours. What about breaking it down to your father who is in rural Limpopo that you have moved out of your flat to play “wife” to a stranger he hasn’t met.
Be very vigilante about these kinds of things. If moving in feels compatible for both of you, excessive planning has to take place. A number of issues have to be ironed out; first things first lay down the ground rules followed by dividing the responsibilities, things like who will be paying the water and electricity bill.
This will bring comfort in the house and everybody will know their position and role without the other feeling used. Or better yet you might be lucky to find a guy who does things by the book. It’s undeniable that we are living in an era where globalisation is the order of the day. At times we are tempted and feel obliged to follow trends so we can fit in, but you need to find your priorities and try and figure out what you stand to get from that relationship before jumping in bed with that guy.
I hope this will make a difference in your life and 10 years down the line you’ll look back and say to yourself ‘I made a right choice’. This is it for this week’s column of Ladies night the rest is all on you. Follow me on twitter @Fanisawrites and I’ll kindly follow back.
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By: FANISILE NKUNA
Edited By: M.D.B