One man once said” to forgive is to set a prisoner free, and only to realise that the prisoner was you”
It’s funny how we realise the importance of letting go when it’s already too late. Majority of us have been hurt so much in our lives to a point where we think there’s nothing we can do but just to embrace the pain and hold on to that grudge that keeps reminding you that forgiving is no option, especially when the perpetrator was someone much closer to you.
We live in a world where a lot of people are hurting because of life’s non ending lessons. Someone is angry at himself or herself or at life in general. That someone might be angry with their first sweetheart who broke their heart or even be angry with their absent parent. These are the things most people struggle with on a daily basis around kasi.
But then there comes a time in each of our lives whereby we have to evaluate the value of something’s and ask ourselves how long we can carry on living with these pains. Yes some of us our fathers and mothers left us while we were still in nappies and some of us our parents never even stayed to see the day we were brought into this world. Some only got to hear from their friends or relatives that “hey man, you have a baby girl or boy” but still they didn’t care. They wanted to experience life’s joy while you were busy discovering how cruel and unmerciful the world can be sometimes.
Then you hear from somebody that your father or your mom is married to mister or Mrs. so and so and they have a certain number of kids. Then that’s where you start to wonder if there is something wrong with you or if life was having one of its lessons and you were the subject of the decades.
Honestly, it’s quite painful growing up without either one of your parents. Sometimes some of us are lucky to have step parents who are kind and good enough to embrace us and give us the kind of love that our biological parents couldn’t. If that step dad or mother could treat you as their own then where is your real parent if they could have done better?
And then there is of course another group of us who were never born with a fortunate bone, we come across step parents who look at us as if we are their slaves. They don’t appreciate who we are or what we have been through.
Maybe in their heads or hearts they think we deserve whatever situation we are in, if our biological parents could abandon us then why should we be their problem? They simply don’t care if you cry yourself to sleep at night or you speak to the stars and the moon during the night in search of answers but then it takes some time. That parent is holding a grudge against the other one and the only way they can punish them it’s if they hide the truth from us.
We understand that they have whatever unfinished business but then why should we be punished for our parent’s mistakes? The most hurtful part is when a parent start hating his or her own child because of whatever the mother or father did to him or her. Those are the things that make some of us angry and we tend to think the only way we can survive that is if we do the same thing to other people but then where does that live us as a community? Are we going to be a community of angry people and how long shall we continue holding grudges?
We don’t really know what happened to our parents, even though some of them rock up when we are already men and women with different boring and interesting explanation about where they disappeared to. Yes it’s very annoying especially when you think of all the challenges you faced all by yourself and all the obstacles you have been through. All you want to do is to make them suffer for all the years they have been away but the truth is that it won’t do you any good.
Yes it’s hard to forgive, but forgiving someone means setting yourself free of all the bad energy and aroma while not forgiving someone is giving them power over you. It’s easier for someone to take advantage and use you when you are angry because although we don’t want to agree with it, we don’t think straight when we are angry.
Set yourself free, and forgive, it’s not up to you to make them pay their debts, life has a way of making people pay, they can run away from you, but they can’t run away from life.
By: MPHO P. MAKHAFOLA (THE BLACK DIAMOND).
Edited By: M.D.B